This is Antibishonen Speaks. You’re getting sleepy, you’re getting sleepy….Forget it, I’ll cut to the chase; Maleficient is the laziest Disney Villain I had ever seen!
You heard that right, Maleficent may have been the most feared Disney Villain, but her track record of evilness is as miniscule as the amoeba boys. Don’t believe me? Well, let me do a comparison.
Ursula, another feared Disney Villain, not only manipulated the merpeople by using their inferiority complexes, she briefly possessed King Triton’s crown to control the sea.
Gaston, while an egotistical buffoon, successfully manipulated the townspeople by organizing a mob to ‘kill the beast’.
And ‘The Coachman’? Oh cor blimey, the coachman! One of the scariest scenes I have ever seen! It’s also a rare case where the Disney villain got away!
With all these villains’ diabolical plans, you thought Maleficent would do something that would top them all, right? WRONG! All what Maleficent did was to place a curse on Aurora by pricking her finger at a spindle of a spinning wheel. Even Rumplestiltskin would scratch his head for something anti-climatic like that. More embarrassing is that the curse was reduced to a deep sleep where it can be broken by a true love’s kiss!
Because of this loophole, you would have thought Maleficent would personally find Aurora and have the curse come full circle. She did, but only after sixteen years where her minions failed to find her!
Yeah, don’t you think that if they couldn’t find her for many years, you would think that, hey, Maleficent, can you help find the princess instead of sitting on your throne, you lazy bitch?
YOU’RE THE MISTRESS OF ALL EVIL FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!!! AND YOU’RE TELLING ME THAT YOU USED YOUR MINIONS ALL THIS TIME?!
Sheesh, it makes me wonder how on earth Maleficent kept that slender figure! Anyway, yeah, she went into action by using her pet raven to find the princess. And giving a precise description no less! Instead of 16 long years, it only took a day or two to pinpoint her hideout! Imagine how you would feel if a task like that took two days instead of sixteen years. I’m willing to bet you would rage in fury.
So finally, Maleficent’s plan went in motion by fulfilling the spinning wheel curse and capturing the prince. Yes, I admit, her speech to the prince was cynically awesome.
With that charming speech, what does Maleficent do? Did she went back to the throne and plan her next takeover? Does she summon her minions to watch over the prince in case he tries to escape? NO! After fulfilling her curse for sixteen long years, she boast that she can finally sleep well, ironically enough!
Yes, my statement still stands: Maleficent is the laziest Disney Villain ever!
Scar may have been an incompetent tyrant, but at least he took over Pride Rock.
Jafar went over his head by turning himself into a genie, but he at least took over Agrabah by finally stealing the lamp.
The Sheriff of Nottingham can’t see through Robin Hood’s disguise, but at least he can sentence Friar Tuck to death!
And Darth Vader is Luke’s father. I don’t get it.
As for Maleficent, her laziness eventually became her downfall! The prince escaped, he overcame Maleficent’s wrath, and defeated her right after she cornered him!
So what’s the lesson we learned regarding Maleficent? Don’t sleep at your job! I mean it!
It baffles me why Maleficent tops the list of Disney Villains even though she barely did anything sinister. That Disney Villain honor should reserve to someone who wasn’t defeated and did something horrifically evil. Honestly, the coachman still scare the bejesus out of me!
Yet, I can’t help that it’s the design and the personality that made her threatening. I just really wished that she can be more intimidating.
This is Antibishonen Speaks, saying, why of all time did the fairy godmothers blow their cover all because of the dress color? I’ll never know.
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